On my missing years:

I am not really big on photographs though i "look" big in them. There are people who will faithfully keep their photos in big fancy albums, categorized into times and events. And there are others who would keep a few chosen momentos of loved ones (pets or otherwise) around them, on their work desk, in their wallets, or their bedside table. I guess i am just not one of them. Perhaps i am not doing justice to the countless of travel photos collecting dust in my drawer, kept stacked in plastic/paper bags but i really do not know what else i am suppose to do with them, nor do i feel motivated enough to do anything. When "forced" to by others (e.g. family, SO), i can be compulsively neat and organized to insist that every picture is in their chronological order, going by each numbered albums (nothing fancyful, just the regular ones given by the shops). Otherwise, they would forever remain in the exact bag that they came in.

When i was younger, my parents kept all our photos of birthdays, holidays, weddings, gatherings in thick double flip-side albums. I always enjoyed looking through them from time to time as they gave me a window into a world/time/place which i increasingly have difficulties remembering. However, there is a period of time when my photographic "history" lasped into, what i would called, the "middle ages - i.e. dark ages". There seem to be little concrete evidence of that period of time in my short life. Almost from the age of 12 till my early 20s, there are few and little photos in between to represent my existence as a teenager. Other than some compulsory class photos here and there, there seemed to be none other evidence that i was ever one.

Recently I have been to the SO's place and looked through his old photo albums and realized that he was missing for a couple of years as well. It was as if we went into hiding for a while before emerging all fully grown into adults in travel photos. Perhaps the phenomenon is not universal but i could speculate on where did my missing years went or failed to be captured onto celluloid.

1) It is not coincidental that during my adolescent years, my family went into a sort of financial recluse as well. Hence, birthdays, holidays, outings, gatherings were practically non-existent for a long while. No one would consider spending that kind of money on such events, much less taking photographs to commemorate them. If we could, all i would have seen was a geeky bespectacled girl running around the estate in t-shirt and shorts because there was no one else to keep her studying at home. Hmm, i would really like to have one of those photos actually.

2) Another possibility could be that, personally, i am never fond of taking photos of myself. Generally, i needed to be coax into one (especially if i am the sole occupant of the photo). This could be due to the growing awareness of oneself and own's self-image during adolescence. It was at that moment when you assumed the stance that "hey, i look pretty awful with all those pimples etc etc" and put you off from wanting any lasting evidence of that fact on photographs. I was probably too self-conscious of my braces, pimples, jutting lower jaw (before "corrective" surgery), boyish hair cut and thick glasses. You can be blinded to how you look from in your daily life because you don't often get to "see" yourself (except in the mirrors) but photos in those days (before the make-over phenomenon) always conspire to show you off in the worst light possible. So, another reason for my unaccounted for "missing years".

3) It is also entirely possible that it could be due to the fact that most of us (well, maybe just me) may not have much access to a camera in those days. How often, in times of yore, do our parents actually trust us (rash, careless teenagers), with an fairly expensive photographic equipment? Not to touch it, much less fool around with it. Since we do not have ready access to one (except maybe during an odd birthdays here and there), we often had to depend on our parents to "do the deed" of taking our pictures of us. Now, frankly speaking, would most parents (alright, maybe just mine), actually want to or feel motivated enough to take pictures of their once-cute-cuddly-adorable-toddlers-NOW-gawky-pimply-moody teenagers? That same moody teenager would probably kick a huge fuss if they attempted to, probably due to reason no. 2 given above.

Like i said, these are only speculations. No more than hypothesis which could explain my missing years. It is by no means comprehensive nor universal but still if anyone suffer from the same phenomenon, do let me know. Perhaps there is a support group for people like us out there. In the mean time, i will just continue to dwell here and decide on how i should deal with my "non-missing years" that are slowly disintergrating in my drawer.